Copyright T. Sheil & A. Sheil All Rights Reserved
Songs about what really happens at the local train club
Somebody should put these things to music. I wrote them for three reasons:
There are three ballads here. Enjoy!
Ballad #1
There's an HO fight down the club tonight
Things got hot and heavy
Tempers soared and rivet-counters roared
O'er a yellow plastic Chevy
**
"This car's not scale," yelled Angry Jack
"Yes it is," Fat Bob shot back
"Well, it's out of date for this layout, " said Nate
"But it looks good alongside the track!"
**
"It's not right, not pure HO
It looks like 1/83"
"Oh, no, it's good in that neighborhood
And a 1/87 it be!"
**
Then the fight took off with words exchanged
And angry voices yelled.
From cars to track to scenery
They fought o'er all they beheld.
**
The O gauge guys just rolled their eyes
The N crew bit their tongues
The S gaugers shrugged and walked away
While the HOs stretched their lungs
**
They screamed over cars and they screamed over pigs
They screamed over track and wire
The HO guys screamed back and forth
Anger rose like a blazing fire
**
Two HO guys walked out the door
Three just up and quit
But they'll return on Tuesday night
For another angry fit.
**
O gaugers don't sweat little thing
N gaugers don't shout so loud
S gauger are glad to have whatever they can get
G gaugers are a contented crowd
**
With our HO guys the temper flies
And tantrums are the norm
Anything's a cause to fight
Disputes for them are the norm
**
There's an HO fight at the club tonight
And the HO guys are wrought
But the other gauges just run their trains
While the HO fight is fought.
**
This ain't a real railroad
It's made in mini scale
But you'd think it was the B&O
To hear them rant and rail!
Ballad #2
Go get your trains off the track
Get those boxcars off the rails
T-Ball has the throttle now
And in this he never fails
**
Whether in Command or Conventional
When T-Ball has the remote
He's send your train flying down the track
While his won't move a mote.
**
He can't see why his train won't go
While yours has hit the wall
He's pushed Track 2 but he's on Track 1
Typical for T-Ball.
**
Now, Noel's trains come off the track a bit
Joe can't get the big trains started
Jim's content to ballast the tracks
And Denny's are all slow-going
**
But disaster waits on every track
When T-Ball has the remote
Be it DCS or TMCC
It ends on a crashing note!
**
All the engineers at MTH
And those under Lionel's roof
Have yet to find technology
That's going to be T-Ball proof.
Ballad #3
A big cloud billows and chokes us out
It's gray and smells like pine
All the guys are running steam
Big steamers on every line
**
All units for smoke are loaded full
The Magic Smoke is poured
Like cider at a harvest fest
And thus the smoke has soared
**
A Challenger is racing by
Coughing clouds up to the sky
And in the fog we see some sparks
Hey, look, more smoke - he's got a Marx
**
Three S2 turbines running loud
And each is making its own cloud
And down the line Pacifics rolled
Behind them thick gray fog unfolds
**
There goes an Alco FA2
A smoke unit is that diesel's due
`Cause there's a thing that we all know
Smoking like steamers means Alco
**
A diesel fan would have more glee
With a smoker in a blue F3
Though smoke is rare from EMD
He wants to join the fogging spree
**
What can we say of the fragrant one
With a smoke unit in a GG1
Prototype it sure is not.
But hey, it sure does smoke a lot.
**
Get a gas mask, wipe your eyes
Expect to cough like mad
They're smoking in the club tonight
And the fog is getting bad!