Copyright T. Sheil & A. Sheil  All Rights Reserved


Model RR Club Ballads

Songs about what really happens at the local train club


Somebody should put these things to music.  I wrote them for three reasons:

  1. Because it will amuse visitors to the website
  2. Because it will rattle folks whose antics are herein described
  3. Because I can

There are three ballads here.  Enjoy!

Ballad #1

There's an HO fight at the club tonight

There's an HO fight down the club tonight

Things got hot and heavy

Tempers soared and rivet-counters roared

O'er a yellow plastic Chevy

**

"This car's not scale," yelled Angry Jack

"Yes it is," Fat Bob shot back

"Well, it's out of date for this layout, " said Nate

"But it looks good alongside the track!"

**

"It's not right, not pure HO

It looks like 1/83"

"Oh, no, it's good in that neighborhood

And a 1/87 it be!"

**

Then the fight took off with words exchanged

And angry voices yelled.

From cars to track to scenery

They fought o'er all they beheld.

**

The O gauge guys just rolled their eyes

The N crew bit their tongues

The S gaugers shrugged and walked away

While the HOs stretched their lungs

**

They screamed over cars and they screamed over pigs

They screamed over track and wire

The HO guys screamed back and forth

Anger rose like a blazing fire

**

Two HO guys walked out the door

Three just up and quit

But they'll return on Tuesday night

For another angry fit.

**

O gaugers don't sweat little thing

N gaugers don't shout so loud

S gauger are glad to have whatever they can get

G gaugers are a contented crowd

**

With our HO guys the temper flies

And tantrums are the norm

Anything's a cause to fight

Disputes for them are the norm

**

There's an HO fight at the club tonight

And the HO guys are wrought

But the other gauges just run their trains

While the HO fight is fought.

**

This ain't a real railroad

It's made in mini scale

But you'd think it was the B&O

To hear them rant and rail!


Ballad #2

The TMCC / DCS Song, or

Who's Got the Remote?

Go get your trains off the track

Get those boxcars off the rails

T-Ball has the throttle now

And in this he never fails

**

Whether in Command or Conventional

When T-Ball has the remote

He's send your train flying down the track

While his won't move a mote.

**

He can't see why his train won't go

While yours has hit the wall

He's pushed Track 2 but he's on Track 1

Typical for T-Ball.

**

Now, Noel's trains come off the track a bit

Joe can't get the big trains started

Jim's content to ballast the tracks

And Denny's are all slow-going

**

But disaster waits on every track

When T-Ball has the remote

Be it DCS or TMCC

It ends on a crashing note!

**

All the engineers at MTH

And those under Lionel's roof

Have yet to find technology

That's going to be T-Ball proof.


Ballad #3

Smoking in the Clubroom

A big cloud billows and chokes us out

It's gray and smells like pine

All the guys are running steam

Big steamers on every line

**

All units for smoke are loaded full

The Magic Smoke is poured

Like cider at a harvest fest

And thus the smoke has soared

**

A Challenger is racing by

Coughing clouds up to the sky

And in the fog we see some sparks

Hey, look, more smoke - he's got a Marx

**

Three S2 turbines running loud

And each is making its own cloud

And down the line Pacifics rolled

Behind them thick gray fog unfolds

**

There goes an Alco FA2

A smoke unit is that diesel's due

`Cause there's a thing that we all know

Smoking like steamers means Alco

**

A diesel fan would have more glee

With a smoker in a blue F3

Though smoke is rare from EMD

He wants to join the fogging spree

**

What can we say of the fragrant one

With a smoke unit in a GG1

Prototype it sure is not.

But hey, it sure does smoke a lot.

**

Get a gas mask, wipe your eyes

Expect to cough like mad

They're smoking in the club tonight

And the fog is getting bad!


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